I just need to be really honest…I feel exhausted and worn.
I feel worn like a stone washed smooth by the constant crashing of waves.
or (probably more precisely and less poetically) Like your oldest, most tattered pair of work jeans. The ones you wore them for so many years and patched so many times that eventually they became way too casual for Casual Friday.
Yep. That kind of worn. I was well warned going into this 2 years of service that it would not be easy and that it would leave me changed. That this truly was and is a calling and a big commitment. A labor of love. However, I had no idea that I would reach this point in my service, just 5 months from the finish line, and feel so tapped.
I share this because perhaps I am not the only one out there who feels burnt out, tired, or worn. And also because I am really hoping that you will read this and say a little prayer of strength for me and people who are even more tired than me.
At times like these I chose to savor the below poem. Because in the midst of my exhaustion, God is still in control and at work.
The Lord is my Pace Setter, I shall not rush,
God makes me stop and rest for quiet intervals,
God provides me with images of stillness,
Which restore my serenity.
God leads me in ways of efficiency,
Through calmness of mind; and God’s guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret, for God’s presence is here.
God’s timelessness, God’s all-importance will keep me in balance.
God prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity,
By anointing my head with oils of tranquility,
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Surely harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruit of my hours,
For I shall walk in the pace of my Lord,
and dwell in God’s house for ever.
23rd Psalm written by Toki Miyashina, a Japanese poet.
Sigh. I have this poem posted by my desk at work. Whenever I feel like the world is moving faster than my motivation, I read it. I read it slowly and on repeat until I feel ready to tackle the next thing.
I do feel like everything- everything I have experienced; all the stories I have heard; all the people I have met and all the new skills I have learned; have been worth the fatigue that I am feeling now. I wanted to be present here. I promised God I would be a pair of listening ears. I chose to un-insulate myself. I chose this experience. God said “Go” and I went and I am not the least bit disappointed.
And so, even in the middle of all of the tiredness, anxiety, sadness, frustration, powerlessness and bewilderment. Even when I find myself longing for solitude, tradition, familiarity, and roots. I know that God is here. God can provide all that I need. I just need to stop going at my pace and start tuning in to God’s.
God can be what roots us, anchors us, centers and paces us…especially when we feel like we are ready to collapse from exhaustion.
Expect to Thrive 